By Jordan Ford

All is well that ends well. It is as they say!

This Fresher’s trip to the peak district started exceptionally strong, as we meant to go on, with two minibuses ram packed full of keen climbers, new and old, all raring to put one hand above the other in the name of increasing potential energy. After being enticed by our fantastic exhibition of excellence, intelligence and outright debauchery at fresher’s fair, the eager early members stared through misty windows with bright eyes as we escaped the flashing city lights in the crimson of the setting sun and made haste for the silence of the north. Silence that was soon to be broken.

We arrived in excellent time to the cold and familiar greetings that the unheated town hall we so often frequent had to offer. That and a thick downpour of rain.

Yes, the rumours from the men and women on the TV who love to smile and tell us we are to enter times of great sorrow, bleakness and sideways rain were true: 60% of the time, it rains all the time. But to those individuals on a

£22,000 salary[1], we laughed, and said “ICMC eats misfortune and adversity for blunner (Breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one meal for people who do not have the time to eat[2])”.

The consumption of alcohol was neither encouraged nor condemned, as underlined by the new union rules regarding drinking in societies™©®. When people’s lips became dry in the harsh and cold winter weathers that so often swallow the peaks, we supplied necessary liquids in a variety of flavours, to combat such life threatening signs, with utmost vigilance and urgency.

The morning trundled lazily over the rolling hills of northern countryside that came in the form of pounding and wet rain. 2-0 meteorologists.

In no particular haste the most spectacular scent of real life pork meat and some-what eggs was sent in to the bedding chambers that housed at least 30 hungry individuals and caused a stir. The breakfast was expertly prepared by fresh president of all things metal and fabric, Ben Coope, with trusty assistants Tim Seers, Will Will Smith-Cloud and Jordan. YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.

After the small council met to decide the outcome of the day, two groups spit up; one visited the bouldering mecca known as the works, and the other to lay eyes upon the fantastic new Awesome Walls. Walls that outshone any lead walls for many miles. Rock climbing was out of the question, so plastic would have to suffice.

Those at the works also had the option to do a spot of celebrity spotting and even climb a bit with them as Leah Crane, Dianne Merrick and Ned the baker were there. They were strong, we weren’t wrong.

Cooking chilli and exploring the psychological benefits of becoming a socialite and actually having a great conversation with people you’d never met. Everyone did so wonderfully.

Carrots were, as laid down in the ICMC rules, regulations and traditions, “less than tender”.

Every passing hour from 11PM to 7PM seemed to merge in to one giant concoction of uncertainty, spontaneity and fun, perhaps with a few missing items of minor clothing splayed throughout the hall. Most people knew where, less what, and very few when it happened. But regarding the who, everyone was certain.

Sunday followed the exact same proceedings, pretty much to the letter, as we became doomed to a life of London climbing. That is to say, on plastic.

This did not deter the newer members, whose wide-eyes still glistened with straight up keenness and psyche to pull. It was from this point on that the older members knew that these freshers were ready to join the leagues of ICMC members, and refresh the generation.

We eat hard, and climb lard.

Bibliography

[1] – Meteorology salaries within the UK, Written by AGCAS editors, “http://www.prospects.ac.uk/meteorologist_salary.htm” (2013)

[2] – MizsiEM, “http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Blunner” (2013)