By Oliver Tippett

Background

History

Fontainebleau (Font) was used to practice the skills necessary for alpinism since the 1870s, but since the 1930s it has solidly established itself as one of the premier bouldering destinations in the world. Everywhere you look there is something to climb, with soft sandy landings and old shoeless Frenchmen offering advice on technique. The boulders in Font are made of soft sandstone, which often forms very rounded, chest shaving tops to boulders that can make even the most elegant of climbers look like a beached whale. It is also world famous for its ridiculously technical and sandbagged slabs that are incredibly useful for popping an overinflated ego. It is also home to classic boulders of every grade, from La Marie Rose (f6a+), to Carnage (f7b+) and Rainbow Rocket (f8a). Moreover, every sector in Font will have a couple of circuits. These comprise of about 50 easier problems and the aim is to complete all of them.

Fontainebleau was made famous to us by the movie The Real Thing , a 1996 classic full of techno and hard climbing featuring Jerry Moffatt and Ben Moon. In this they train on the gritstone boulders of Derbyshire and then come over to teach the French how to climb on their own rock. Spurred on by our club trips to the Peak, we were determined to make the journey to Font to do the same!

Objectives

After more than a year of COVID and lockdowns, our main objective was to be able to travel abroad safely and responsibly. We all made sure to read up on the current guidelines about international travel before setting off and adhered to all necessary testing. It was unfortunate that the associated costs with extra testing in France and on return to the UK made the trip prohibitively expensive for many potential attendees. This limited our numbers to a small group of 8, but this served to strengthen the relationships made within the group.

We also aimed to enjoy ourselves whilst staying safe as well as to sample some of the French culture and language. This was done with great aplomb at the Lidl bakery section. We all had our own climbing objectives for the trip, which are detailed below.

The Team

Overview of the tour

Itinerary

Day 1 (19/9/21)

The first day was spent travelling to Fontainebleau. Olly drove his van with a few pads to the campsite and set up in the early afternoon. He was then joined by Miguel, Jake, James, and Emyr who had driven a separate car from England. They all set up the brand-new tent and were excited by its lack of mould and holes. A tarp was set up from the van to some trees to construct a sitting area for when it rained. They had just missed the season for the campsite swimming pool being open, so had to settle for the occasional shower with poor water pressure. Eager to get climbing, the early to arrive people ventured out to Gorge aux Chats, the local crag to the campsite. There they acquainted themselves with the local rock and attempted the softest problem in Font, Dallain (f6c). It was a one move dyno that most people did to make them feel better about themselves after getting completely shut down by a desperate f3+ slab.

After a brief tickle of the rocks, Olly had to leave to pick up Ben and George from the train station. By the time this was done it was getting dark, so everyone met back at the campsite. The team cooked chilli sin carne and ate it very quickly. The evening concluded with everyone sipping on cheap tiny French beers, when suddenly the question arose, where was Chorley?

Day 2 (20/9/21)

That night, everyone could hear the sound of rain on the tent, signalling a mandatory rest day. Sandstone is very fragile when wet, so it is very bad form to try to climb it after rain. This meant that they decided to walk the 25 mounds circuit of the forest. It was about 13 miles and took in 25 hills with over 1000m of vertical ascent, going through some of the classic climbing locations. Miguel and Emyr decided to run this circuit and did so impressively in under 3 hours. The rest got about halfway before questioning their motivations but had to carry on as it was the shortest way back. They all arrived back shortly before dark, all grumpy that they had to go for a massive trek rather than climb.

In the meantime, Miguel had picked Chorley up from the train station, and everyone was now at the campsite. Chorley had to undergo a Flixbus nightmare. His bus was late on the ferry, meaning that he missed his connection. After being ushered onto a seemingly random coach, he had to check maps on his phone to make sure the bus was in fact destined for Paris. He eventually made it after almost 24 hours of travel. For dinner, Olly made his famous chorizo carbonara, which everyone managed to force down, but spirits were high as the forecast looked good for the next few days.

Day 3 (21/9/21)

The next morning the team headed to Roche aux Sabots , a crag with relatively little forest cover so the rocks got the sun and dried quicker. The aim was to complete either the blue or orange circuit over the course of the day, however for most this changed to climbing whatever looked cool. Most people got to about the 20th problem of the circuit before going to try hard on something else. A group went to try Graviton (f7a). The hard part of this was getting over the very top, which prompted Chorley to try to jump past the top, resulting in a rash over his chest. Meanwhile Miguel was working on a boulder called Legalize This (f7a). This was a one move f7a eliminate from undercuts to the top of the block. Miguel was consistently getting his hand over the top but couldn’t latch the hold. Chorley came over and sent it, fulfilling his aim of climbing f7a on his first day climbing. He then repeated the problem next go to get it on video. Olly also did the problem, first go, in flip flops, proving once again that he is the greatest climber in the club. Olly had also achieved his goal of completing the blue circuit that day, which provided a lot of varied and entertaining boulder problems. The best of these were recommended to the rest of the group. Over the day James had done a few f7a and f7a+s without anyone noticing. At the end of the day, Miguel had to be pulled away from his one move eliminate f7a project as it was getting dark.

Ben cooked coq au van for dinner, which was delicious and contained a good amount of red wine although it could not compete with the Lidl “peach rings” that everyone on the trip had become addicted to by now. Everyone felt thoroughly knackered by the end of the meal and got to sleep very quickly.

Day 4 (22/9/21)

The next day most of the team ventured to F ranchard Isatis , a classic of Font bouldering areas. Chorley and Olly however went to Franchard Sablons Carriers instead in the morning to try their projects. Chorley was trying Sylphide (f7a) whilst Olly attempted Rainbow Rocket (f8a). Both took turns at trying their boulders while the other rested in the hammock. They each touched the top of their dynos, but neither could stick it. After a couple hours of trying, they both gave up and headed to Isatis to meet up with the others. When they got there, they found that the rest had befriended an old pof-riddled Frenchman. He was chastising them about using shoes and crash pads as well as spotting with one hand with a cigarette in to other. He did show us some good problems though, as well as Miguel another eliminate f7a dyno for him to wear his skin more on. Everyone was fairly tired after the previous day of climbing so were taking it easy, although a few people went to try some highball problems, which put hairs on their chests. After a final bit of climbing, they all retreated to the campsite for some well-earned risotto and rest.

Day 5 (23/9/21)

After a brief stop to buy every baguette and pastry at Lidl, the team ventured to La Canche aux Merciers for some more bouldering. This was a particularly nice crag despite the hordes of French urchins school children running around being annoying and the disabled dog that could boulder harder than any of us to get to our food bag and eat our cured meats and cheese. Today’s aim was the same as the others; start trying to do a circuit, then get distracted and try something too hard. Olly, Emyr and Jake did manage to complete their full circuits, whilst James smashed out some more f7a and f7a+s. A multitude of other problems were attempted; a few people tried a f7a+ roof, a few tried some weird crack, and Miguel found another one move f7a eliminate. Ben nearly finished the whole circuit, but got completely shut down by a f3+ slab, which caused most people a lot of frustration. They left the crag late that evening with very sore skin and very hungry. Unfortunately, they had to wait until 11pm for Jake’s underwhelming spaghetti bolognaise to be ready, by which time everyone was full from snacking on too many peach rings and bolognaise flavoured crisps. They didn’t let Jake be in charge of cooking again.

Day 6 (24/9/21)

On their penultimate climbing day, the team awoke to a dense fog. They drove to Bas Cuvier to see if the rock was dry and were greeted by a slightly moist crag. The team did some stretching on the pads while they waited for the rock to dry and realised that they were all very stiff from all the climbing. They then warmed up by throwing a crash pad at each other. By the time they were bored of this the fog had cleared, the sun was out, and the rock was dry. Bas Cuvier was supposed to be the most classic crag in Font, however it was strewn with broken glass, used hypodermic needles, condoms and human excrement. This rather diminished the psych to climb, and the rock was quite polished, however the team tried La Marie Rose (f6a+), which is potentially the most famous boulder in Font. James tried to do Carnage (f7b+) and got close before giving up. Olly tried to do L’Hélicoptère (f7a), named for what your legs do when you fall off. He didn’t do it but he also didn’t break anything, so that was a win. Miguel couldn’t find a one move eliminate f7a so was grumpy. George tried Pif-paf (f7a), a route named after a powerful nerve agent cockroach killing spray. He swiftly gave up due to the problem’s proximity to the human turd. Well before it was dark, everone realised that they were absolutely wrecked, so they went back to the campsite via a pizza place for dinner.

Day 7 (25/9/21)

The day began with a trip to the local town to be tested for COVID before travelling back to the UK. After and French lady had aggressively swabbed our noses, we headed to Le Cul de Chien. This was half crag half beach and was probably the best one that the team went to. After a long week with only one rest day at the very start, the team weren’t psyched on trying anything too hard, so aimed for another circuit. This didn’t end up happening for most however, since as normal they were distracted by a different boulder. The team tried some f6a+ mantle, which was another chest scraper. Most people managed this, despite some astounding inflexibility from Jake. A few people also managed to finish their circuits after this, and the team made sure to dog proof their food bag. George tried Le Toit du Cul du Chien (f7a), which looked a bit like (and is named after) the behind of a dog. He got some good pictures of him falling off it.

Miguel, again unhappy with the lack of one move f7a eliminates, went back to the nearby Roche aux Sabots to try his one move f7a eliminate project. He spent a short while trying before realising that this one move f7a eliminate wasn’t for him. He decided in future to change his style and aim to climb a one move f7a eliminate in the UK on different rock. A few people had meanwhile managed a full circuit, while others lay on the sand trying to grow back their skin that had been eroded over the week. They drove back to the campsite for a final night of curry and tiny French beer, sad at the thought of leaving the next day.

Day 8 (26/9/21)

The next morning they woke up and packed the tent up. After checking out the campsite, Miguel drove his car back to the UK. Olly and George had booked a later ferry before going back in the van, so went to have a final look at Rainbow Rocket , but it was wet after an overnight shower, so they drove back and ate chips in Calais waiting for their ferry. The team made the most of their duty free allowance, George hasn’t been able to walk in a straight line since he got back.

Tour Review

We all achieved negative COVID results both in France and on return of the UK, which meant that we had fulfilled our goal of not spreading the virus. We had also had a week of climbing with no injuries or major dramas.

In terms of personal climbing objectives, only Chorley managed to reach his goal of climbing f7a, whilst Olly, Jake and Emyr managed to complete at least one full circuit. Jake did manage to climb well over 100 problems and Emyr got back into climbing with style. James ticked a number of hard problems over f7a but failed to do the hardest problem of the trip, so decided to lock himself in a gym and train for 6 years.

Miguel’s search for a one move f7a eliminate continues. The whole trip ran smoothly, without any real issues. The low number of people meant that logistics were easier and that we could drive around crags. The main negative of the trip was the lack of rest days. The team had 5 climbing days in a row, which really took a toll on their skin and their psych. Next time it would be better to go for a week extra and have more rest days. All in all Font delivered all that we hoped it would, and the club will definitely be back in future years.

Budget

While the initial budget was made for 15 people to take three cars from the UK, the costs associated with being tested both in France (€20 each) and in the UK (~£50 each) made the trip more expensive per person than anticipated. This was offset by the fact that only 8 people came as opposed to the 15 budgeted for. Overall, the expenditure on travel was £1665,13, which included getting a car and a van, as well as the other members who couldn’t fit in these, to and from Fontainebleau. The IC Trust gave us £670.50 of funding, which was slightly less than the 40% of travel expenditure we ended up having (£695.95). Overall, the trip could have been much cheaper had we not had to spend so much on testing and had we all gone to and from London together, however space in the car was a major constraint. Added to this, George came from Croatia and Ben from Rome, and Ben left a day early, adding to the expenses.

Conclusion and Future Plans

The tour was a fun trip abroad for everyone, and we will definitely be back to Font in future. All attendees not in their final year of study expressed interest in going on and potentially running future tours, and the experience and competence of outdoor boulderers in the club has been markedly improved. Miguel is still looking for a one move f7a eliminate, if you know of one please contact him at: miguel@1movef7aeliminate.com. Thanks.