Written by: Sofia

We arrived at the minibus on Friday evening only to find that it was packed full of a bizarre assortment of items, including no less than 10 incredibly heavy gazebos and multiple in bags of clothes? Off to a great start as we had to unload all of this and dump it in the Union office. Other than that, there were no major dramas other than Amy being in charge of sorting out which trad gear was needed - having no clue she decided to bring everything. Meanwhile, Sofia was in big Tesco, trying to figure out what an appropriate amount of vegan ham was. Goods acquired, we set off on our long long journey to Wye on Valley: travel time, 2.5 hours (minibus speed).

We arrived in the village hall only to discover that it did in fact, have a shower. This was after Sofia explicitly told everyone that it didn’t and that they didn’t need towels. As it had turned out that the club didn’t have enough roll mats, the unlucky few fashioned beds out of chairs and ropes and ended up having a decent night sleep.

The next morning Sofia excitedly woke everyone up at 7am proclaiming that the weather forecast said it was dry, before actually looking outside and realising we were in a cloud. Back to bed.

A few hours later, after some overnight oats and caffeination, we set off to find a dry crag. We headed off to Wyndcliff and discovered it did have some dry routes! The top ropers set off to do their first outdoor climbs, the tradders looked for something dry to send, and Amy went straight to the driest route at the crag: “The Arête” 7a+ (obviously).

We had a good few hours of climbing in before the rain descended at the exact time that Tom’s weather app said it would. Cat, Marlene, Ruairi, Nik and Maz all did their first outdoor toprope/lead climbs.

Our close proximity to Bristol meant the natural next step was to go to Bananafingers. We got there shortly before close and the staff were nice enough to stay open a bit longer for us. We left with bank accounts significantly depleted (looking at Marjorie with those E9 trousers ).

Back in the village hall, Sofia got started on dinner. She’d learnt from previous mistakes and had gone for a simple meal - tomato and sausage pasta. However, as it turned out, simple did not mean quick. As the tomato sauce simmered away, the games began.

Table bouldering didn’t last long, after Sofia’s failed attempt and huge bruise put everyone off (sharp corners = bad bouldering table). Talks of a ceilidh the night before ended up with Cat teaching everyone Strip the Willow - no one can argue that this trip wasn’t a cultural experience. The hall descended into chaos with people being flung around left right and centre - the hallmarks of a good ceilidh. Ruairi brought out his camp councillor skills and got us to play a bunch of games like the 7 year olds that we are. We soon ran out of energy (typical of both children and pensioners) so it was time for film night.

A bunch of people all drinking Inch’s ciders meant that Amy just drank whenever she came across a can and quickly got drunk. As soon as the climbing films started she was fast asleep. After simmering for hours and hours, the tomato sauce was FINALLY ready at like 10pm but somehow Merve missed out when the pack descended on dinner so Chef Marjorie quickly whipped up another batch.

The next day we were met with beautiful sunshine. We decided to split the group - Amy and Sofia taking the sport climbers to Cheddar Gorge and Elliot leading the charge with the hardcore trad climbers, off to explore hard climbs in Goblin Combe.

We probably should’ve turned round as soon as we crossed the bridge into England and were met with heavy mist… Lesson learnt: the weather at the crag might not be the same as at the accom 😬

The sport climbers arrived at Cheddar Gorge to the sight of flood water being drained from the cave. The entire crag was sopping wet with zero chance of drying. :( The trad boys didn’t fare any better - even the cave was wet. After some deliberation, we decided to leave Cheddar Gorge and its cheddar cheese ice cream (?) and head back to Wales.

The boys decided to call it quits and head to Reading Parthian climbing centre to get some guaranteed dry climbing. Trad team: 0; UK weather: 1. At least the Parthian proved to be a fantastic centre and they had a great afternoon trying out boulders.

The sport climbers somehow struck luck on arrival at Wintour’s Leap, where it was lovely and sunny. However, as no one had been to Wintour’s Leap before, Sherpa Sofia led the sheep down the horrendously muddy and slippy long approach that is NOT the quickest way to the sport crag. This involved 45 mins of slipping and stomping through the mud downhill, uphill and through a bog. Amy’s freshly washed 70m long poo rope (another long story) did not survive the journey unscathed.

Shockingly when we arrived at the crag, the rock was surprisingly dry given just how much rain had fallen the night before. Everyone managed to get a couple of climbs in. The quarry proved reliably chossy, and Marlene caught a huge rock headed straight for Lucas’s head (somehow this moment was captured on film).

Pretty much everyone tried their hand at the world’s hardest 6a+. Once Amy tried and failed we concluded that there must have been a broken off hold - UKC comments agree. Sofia and Amy went to tackle what they thought was a breezy 25m 6a+. Despite not finding it all that simple, Amy gaslit Sofia into thinking she was seriously struggling with “it’s not even a bad 6a+”. Further consultation of UKC determined it was a new route, 6b/+ 😵‍💫

We had a beautiful sunset and group photo at the top of the crag (fans of Sex Education might recognise). We discovered there was a much easier way to access the crag 🫠 Luckily for all but Amy, this meant that the group was far from the minibus so they got to go chill in the pub whilst the minibus was retrieved.

The night sky was beautiful, and we spent an hour drinking our pints and stargazing. Marlene and Sofia were pointing out constellations and satellites, and Maz was overwhelmed with the beauty and the vastness of the cosmos.

All in all, a very good trip despite the weather.